A Lost Love

You were my whole damn sky. You were my first sip of coffee in the morning. You were the tune I’ve always been playing in my head that I know for sure I won’t ever get tired of hearing. You were my sunshine during those rainy days I’ve been stumbling to get through with.

I remember how it felt so heavenly the moment our hands intertwine when we walk side by side. I remember the days when just hearing each other’s voice suddenly make us feel like home again. I couldn’t let a day pass not hearing your cute laugh and how it heals the ugly parts of me in a way like no one else can. I remember how we swore to each other that we will be together until the very end. I entirely made you my whole goddamn universe. You awakened something in me which I realized died years ago. But you decided that I’ve got too much soul and you can’t handle it.

And it’s different now. I can’t remember the sound of your voice and sleepy mumblings whenever we want to fall asleep together in the phone at night. You are not my first thought anymore when I wake up in the morning. I can already watch a sunset without thinking about how your smile made me feel like living isn’t that bad after all.

But it feels like my feelings are still stuck in between letting go and going back to that same place because I can’t ever seem to be moved. So tell me, how I can pick up the pieces you left and make myself whole again? Tell me, how I can paint a smile on my face when you were the only reason behind it? Tell me, how I can feel again when you were the one who let me experience how to be happy and sad at the same time. Tell me how I can ever pray for someone again when I know it is just you whom I wanted. Explain to me clearly how can I go on a day without dying to resist to text or call you?

How I wish I mastered the art of detachment so that when I encounter someone like you I won’t be astonished anymore because I will know how to handle it if you decide to walk away again. I just want someone who will see a glimpse of my tainted soul and choose to be brave enough to plant flowers on it instead of destroying it. I just want someone who will not leave when it dawned on him that what mostly I have ever known in life are sunsets and disappointments. I just want someone who will not make a home out of me and decided that I am a just stop over. I just want someone who won’t run away and won’t be frightened when I utter the words “stay”.

~ Anonymous